Category: Uncategorized

15 Sep 2014

Change your reactions to fear.

The following story comes from chapter seven of my book Bully Proofing You.

Think about where the fear comes from. It comes from the fear of possible future pain. When you have a fear-based reaction, you enter what is referred to as the freeze, fight, or flight sympathetic nervous system response. You have no control over the physiological reaction; however, you do have control over your response to the cause. Let me explain by telling you a story.

When I was a young girl growing up on our farm in Washington state, my brother and I had to fill the inside wood box. It wasn’t a difficult task, but it was always nice to have two people performing this particular chore. One of us would get the wood from the woodpile outside, while the other stood at the back door, waiting to bring it the rest of the way into the house. This way we didn’t have to take our shoes off to come in, and the task was completed more efficiently. My brother was always a gentleman and let me remain inside because I don’t like the cold. He also enjoyed making me jump.

We entered the back door of our house through the garage. There was a bathroom door as we stepped into the mud room—it was Washington, after all, and we did live on a farm. Sometimes he liked to step into the bathroom after he handed me the wood. I would drop the wood off in the box and return for more. He would step out of the bathroom door and say, “Boo!” He liked my reaction. Once I jumped so high that I landed on my back and hit my head. He stopped after that. He didn’t want to hurt me. He just liked to hear me scream and see my hair stand on end and my eyes get as big a dinner plates. It was all in fun and it kept my nervous system in top shape.

Flash forward about six years to 1986. I was at Fort Dix, New Jersey, in army basic training. I was walking down the hall in our barracks when Drill Sergeant Young stepped into the doorway. You guessed it: I reacted the way I had been trained. My hair shot up, my eyes got big, and I screamed…to which he replied, “This will never do, Private.”

He spent the next six weeks training me to a new reaction pattern. That was fun. No, really, it was. I could hardly wait to get home and fill the wood box with Robbie.

Flash forward another seven years to 1993 and my teaching job. I was still a new teacher, having only been teaching for two years. I had just started my career at Summit High School. I was in my classroom, grading papers. It was quiet and I thought everyone had gone home. I got up from my desk to go to the restroom. I opened my door and a student was standing there. Once again, I reacted. As I looked at the student lying on the floor, I knew my teaching career was over. I went directly to our counselor at the time and told him what I had done. We returned to my classroom to find the student sitting in a desk. I asked him if he was all right and apologized. The counselor asked him if he wanted to press charges.

“No way, man, it will ruin my rep.” There are so many benefits to working with gang members; I just never knew this would be one. Can you imagine the backlash he would have received? “You got beat up by your teacher? A female teacher?” We never spoke of the incident again.

My career went forward, and he was a well-behaved student. When other students got mouthy, he would step up and say, “You need to sit down and leave her alone.” He was my protector for many years. Students talked about how I was his favorite teacher and you better not mess with me or you had to answer to him. He was one of my favorites too.

I have since changed my reaction once again. However, I still recommend making noise as you approach. It might make the meeting better for both of us.

Thanks for reading.

Have a tremendous day,

01 Sep 2014

Do you know what they’re going through?

I want to share the following story from chapter 5 of my book Bully Proofing You.

An acquaintance of mine, who I’ll call Lisa, told me the following story. As Lisa was riding Trax light-rail public transportation to work one morning, she had an experience that changed her perspective about others. She lived by the hospital and her ride was about forty-five minutes long. She enjoyed riding Trax because she didn’t have to deal with parking, and she could read a good book. She had been on the train for about five minutes when a father got on with his four children who ranged in ages from about ten to three. They all looked like they had slept in their clothes because their clothing was rumpled and dirty. They hadn’t had a shower for a few days and smelled a little ripe.

The children sat quietly for a few moments and then grew restless. They started pushing one another, and then they started talking. As the pushing increased, so did the volume of their voices. The father sat there as though nothing was going on. He never once said anything to his children. Pretty soon the kids were chasing each other around the train. Still the father didn’t say anything.

Other passengers got upset because their day was being disrupted. They were used to riding to work in silence. They’d read, work on their laptops, listen to music, look out the window, or talk quietly with their neighbors. It was usually civilized and mannerly, not like that morning at all. They gave the father and his children looks that said, “What are you doing? Can’t you see you are bothering us?” The father never raised his eyes from the floor and the children had no clue what was going on. The tension continued to mount.

Then one man in a dark blue suit stood up and walked over to the father. You could hear the sigh of relief. Everyone thought the disruption would end. The man in the suit cleared his throat and the father seemed to shake himself and come out of a deep trance. The father looked up at the nicely dressed man with a question in his gaze. The man in the suit asked the father, “Can you not hear and see what your children are doing on this train? You need to control them. They are bothering everyone else.”

The father, with a sad expression on his face, looked at his children with love in his eyes. They immediately quieted down and came to him. He didn’t say a word. He put his arms around them and, with tears running down his face, he said, “We are all out of sorts this morning. I decided to take the train home because I didn’t trust myself to drive. You see, my wife, their mother, died this morning and we just don’t know what we are going to do. I’m sure we’ll figure it out, but for now we just don’t know how we are going to make it.”

The rest of the train ride was quiet. Everyone was lost in thought. Some were glad they didn’t have to face what this family was facing. Some had lost a loved one and knew the difficult road ahead. All of them were changed. Their perspective went from one of annoyance to one of love and empathy for this father and his children in the blink of an eye.

You don’t know what someone is dealing with until you have walked in that person’s shoes. Maybe the person bullying you just needs to be understood and shown a caring heart. You could change that person’s life and make a difference. All it takes is some understanding on your part and some education on the bully’s.

What’s your perspective on the things around you?

Have a paradigm-shifting day,

24 Aug 2014

Discipline vs. Rewards

For as long as I can remember I have had great discipline. I think that is why I enjoyed the Military so much. If you weren’t disciplined, you didn’t make it. Fear of pain is a great motivator for me.

I have learned recently that not everyone works that way. Some people are more attracted by pleasure or rewards. I recently had the honor of being coached by one of my heroes. The amazing and talented man, T. Harv Eker, has changed so many lives for the better, including my life and my family’s. Through his coaching program I am learning how important rewards can be.

When I started, he told us to come up with three actions that would take 20-45 minutes to complete and then a reward for getting them done. I am not use to that. I felt like I was taking advantage of the system. Then I realized I had made the system so I could change it any time I wanted. Yes, I took input from others, but I made the finale decision on the rules and how it would play out.

In the past, I felt like I had to put in 18- hour-days, seven days a week just to be accepted. I had to work for years just to earn a vacation. Now, this guy who I admire so much, who is where I want to be in life, is telling me I’m doing it wrong. I need to step up, take notice, and make a change. My way has gotten me where I am today. His way has gotten him where he is. I like where I am, but it could be better, and that is what I want. So, I decided it is time to make some changes.

The reward for my first week was a Harley ride with my husband. I had asked him beforehand if he would mind helping me with my reward. I have my motorcycle endorsement, but the ride is better with him in charge and me just relaxing and taking it all in. We had a wonderful day. It was fabulous. I hold it in my memory as one of our special days.

I have quite a few special days in my memory, and now I get to sit back, close my eyes, and relive them all over again. They give me a power boost, and I look forward to making the next one. I still have some trouble coming up with rewards but I’m getting better. I wrote a while back about the carrot and the stick; I’m becoming more of a carrot person now.

If you find you are stuck on making the changes you need to, maybe you need to break it into small pieces and give a reward for each piece you finish. Then you have special memories to relive all over again when you need a lift in your attitude.

Go make your life worth living. Go make some wonderful memories. Stop waiting until you have finished the journey and start enjoying the trip.

Find your blessings and live them every day,

17 Aug 2014

School’s just around the corner.

School’s just around the corner

It’s almost time for school to start once again. It snuck up on me this year. Summer just flew by and what a great one it was. The kids are getting ready to go back to school. I know that some of them are dreading it. That is why I wrote Bully Proofing You: Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out. I wrote it to empower people who are facing fear every day because of what someone else is saying to them. I never want to hear of another person loosing hope and taking a life, theirs or someone else’s. I saw a need and I filled it.

This amazing book gives hope. It is uplifting and transformational. You will never control what others say, but you can control the way you react to it. If you or someone you love is struggling with self-esteem issues than Bully Proofing You is a must read. If you are having troubles in the workplace due to an aggressive boss or coworker, then Bully Proofing You will create magical change and turn your workplace into a successful environment.

Maybe you just want to improve your confidence so you can try new things or get better at what you are already doing. Bully Proofing You is again the answer. Insight, empowerment, and a practical step by step action plan to help you create a phenomenal earth shattering positive change in your life.

Change happens every day.  Why not use it to make your life spectacular! Go to to order your copy today, and I will give you a second one free. I will also give you a free downloadable workbook that you can use as many times as you like. Enjoy your copy, and give one to someone in need. It is time to create tremendous off-the-charts change for the better in the lives of those around us. Click the link or send me an email at Do it now. Thank you.

Thank you for making the world an outstanding place.

Have a phenomenal day,

16 Aug 2014

Live on Purpose Radio

I had so much fun the other day with Dr. Paul Jenkins. We did a podcast for his Live On Purpose Radio show. It is packed with useful information on how to Bully Proof Yourself and others. Take a few minutes, sit back and relax, and learn how to help those you love.

Have a transformational day,

03 Aug 2014

I feel blessed.

I wanted to take a moment and let you know how grateful I am for your help in improving confidence and personal value in the lives of so many people. Because of you, I am blessed and honored to be published in Professional Performance Magazine. You have helped me spread the word that bullying does not have damage you for life. We are reaching more and more people every day.

Let’s continue to improve lives by sharing the empowering message of Bully Proofing You: Improving Lives and Personal Value from the Inside Out. Jump on the Facebook page bullyproofingyou for inspiration, tips, and free webinars. Let others know they are not alone. There is help and support for them to keep moving forward and thrive.

I want to end the senseless loss of life. Every person is valuable and needed. You have a purpose that you must fulfill while you are here, and no one else can do it. Step into your God-given power and make the world a better place one action at a time.

I have attached a digital copy of the periodical. If you wish to purchase one you can go to the following link, click on the issue of Joan and Melissa Rivers, pay $12.95 and have a physical copy to refer to as often as you wish.

Thank you again for your help. Enjoy the magazine and the articles from Bill Bartmann, Werner Berger, Former First Lady Laura Bush, Alex Charfen, Berny Dohrmann, Lee Iacocca, Sharon Lechter, Jeff Magee, Joel Osteen, Greg Reid, Jim Stovall, Zig Ziglar, and more. My article starts on page 15. I really do feel blessed.

Thank you again.

May you be blessed in everything you do,

02 Aug 2014



Change happens all the time. Sometimes I fight it and sometimes I embrace it. It just depends. The one thing I have learned is, it happens.

We took our 16 year old son to the airport at 3:30 am this morning. He left for Maui and a week long basketball tournament. We met up with the team and as we’re talking with the players, their parents, and the coaches; I noticed people staring at us. Then I realized why. My son, Max, is 6’9”, Josh is 7’ and one of the other players is 6’6”. Needless to say, we stand out in a crowd. The family rule is, “If anyone gets lost, meet at Max.”

I forget how young he is and I know others do too. He has to deal with many things others never will because of his height. I think it has helped him grow into the great person he is. He deals with it wonderfully. People ask the same questions. “How tall are you?” and “Do you play basketball?” He always smiles and answers them politely. He doesn’t mind when people stare or when I ask him to reach the things I can’t.

I was trying to remember the day he got taller than me and I couldn’t. I look at pictures from two years ago and he was up to my shoulder. Now, he is nine inches taller and wears a size 17 shoe. I think he grows every day. He has changed from my little boy to a young man and I’m not sure when it happened.

Life is like that. You need to live every day. You need to enjoy the time you have now because tomorrow it will be different. I use to get so caught up in planning for tomorrow that I forgot to live today. Now, we have family time every day. We eat a minimum of one meal together every day. We spend time talking and telling stories. We plan our next trip and report on our progress toward our goals and dreams. We live today, yesterday, and tomorrow all at the same time but we do it together. We will really miss Max this week.

I know this trip is the start of many more to come. His love of basketball and pushing himself will carry him to places I have never been. I’m so proud of him and I’m glad I can be part of this change that is taking place. The challenge is letting it unfold at it’s perfect pace.

Here’s to you and the change you are going through. May it change you into the butterfly I know you are.

Take care,

01 Jul 2014

Yuck Berries

Yuck berries

Have you ever had a yuck berry? I have had so many and they keep popping up. What’s a yuck berry? Thank you for asking. Let me explain further.

I got confronted recently by a stranger that was going through a hard time. How did I know they were going through a hard time? Because I have read the book Bully Proofing You: Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out and in there is talks about how people lash out, not because of you, but because of where they are. Because they had yuck berries for breakfast, lunch, and maybe even dinner. They had something bad happen to them they didn’t understand so they wrapped it in an emotional charge, put a “be cool” shell around it, and filed it away in their mind to trip over later. Let me give you an example.

You might of noticed I like hats. When I was younger, my mom would put a hat on me. I’m 6’ and she is 5’ 3”. She told me it gave her a place to focus on so she could quit looking up. “It gives you a top.” She’d say. I did not know that some people hate hats. It took me by total surprise recently. I could understand if it was in your way at a play or movie theater. I always try to remember the people around and behind me if I am wearing a broad brimmed hat.

Hats are fun to buy, to wear, to chase in the wind, to find the perfect outfit for, to enjoy. Not so with everyone. I was told to take my hat off that is was the stupidest thing anyone had ever seen. Once I recovered from my shock, I said, “Thank you, can you tell me what my hat did to offend you so I can reprimand it?” Once she recovered from her shock, she told me of how she had purchased her first hat in Macy’s and as she was leaving the store she received a phone call. Her father had died in an accident. It devastated her. She never wore the hat. In fact, she had grown to hate hats and people that wore them. She passed a huge yuck berry that day and I didn’t create one. All in all it was a great day.

They next time something bad happens to you just say, “I’m so glad I didn’t have yuck berries for breakfast.” And let it go. Let them pass. Let the emotion move through you so it doesn’t get lodged and grow into something ugly and controlling.

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to show all kinds of emotion. I use to bottle it up. Lord help you if you were around me when I burst a yuck berry. The more you stuff the bigger they are when they pass or the more controlling they become.

I don’t know if she has bought a new hat yet but I do know that her friends can now ware them around her. Baseball has an entirely new meaning to her now.

Pick one of your yuck berries and get rid of it. It’s time to plant something new.

Have an uplifting day,

PS The name “yuck berry” came from Blair Singer my mentor.

03 Jun 2014

The Human Effect

The Human Effect

Did you know that a human cannot hurt another human? It’s true. Humans can only hurt objects or things. You can lash out in pain to defend yourself but people don’t hurt other people. Many adults and young people have forgotten the human effect.

We must remember that everyone is human. We are doing the best we can with what we know and understand. We have others we love and dreams we want to live. We protect those we love and fear predators. We have the ability to put labels on everything.

When I call you a name, in my mind you become what I just called you. Advertising and movies do this all the time. The hero is justified in destroying the bad guy because he is bad. He is no longer human. The person advertising the product becomes the product. They become an object.

How do we get back to the human effect? We remember to have empathy. Empathy is putting yourself in that person’s shoes. If you can view a bully as a person in pain, you can deflect the attack. You won’t allow the words to impact you because you know they are not about you or your family. The attack is about the bully expressing pain and despair. It’s a cry for help. Maybe the bully doesn’t know any better and just needs to be educated. When you feel empathy for the bully, you will not be as impacted by what is said. You are less likely to feel bad about yourself or to try and retaliate. Retaliation makes it worse.

If your self-esteem is not strong enough to withstand some words from an angry person, then spend some time building it up. I gave many tips and tools on how to accomplish that in the first part of my book. When you have a healthy self-image, you have an attitude that things will be all right. You realize that whatever the bully said to hurt or intimidate you is not true, and you move on. You’re glad it’s not your life that is hopeless. Your attitude is one of faith and hope for the future. The bully’s is one of despair and fear. Have some compassion for the bully and come from a place of love for your fellow man.

Your ability to care for others can grow like a muscle you exercise. Practice acceptance of others and you will get better at it. Remember when you’ve had a bad day and cut them some slack. When you do have a bad day, pull yourself up by sharing your love with someone else. When you help someone, you help yourself. Sit by someone new at lunch, or help someone without asking for anything in return. The rewards you receive are priceless. When you give freely, your spirit will lift and your heart will be full.

Share your love today.

13 May 2014

Be a Thriver

One of my former students from Summit High School was a gang member. When he came to my class, he was facing tough charges. He was a big kid, about six-foot-four 275 pounds. He was tough and let everyone know it. He wanted revenge for the murder of a fellow gang member. I told him that hatred was like taking poison and expecting the other person to drop dead. It would never happen. He didn’t believe me, so I took him through an exercise I do with my participants when they are stuck. I showed him how his body was weakened by his thoughts. I performed the exercise three more times and, each time, his body was weakened by his thoughts of revenge. It proved to him that his thoughts affect his physical body. He changed over the next few months, and when he went home, he was different. I also know he had a tough road ahead of him, and I like to believe he made it. If you keep focused on what you really want, you will succeed.

Take a moment and think about what you want for your life. If money were no object, would you move to a nicer place? Would you go to school? Would you hang out with different people? Would you quit your job and go to work someplace nicer? Would you travel? What would you do?

Now here is the tricky part. It’s not about the money—it’s about the mind-set. It’s about your perspective. How many times in the last week have you said, “I can’t do that because _______.” Or “I have to do ________.” That’s not really true. You choose to do or not to do things based on your beliefs. Consider how your life would change if you changed your belief around a matter and took action toward something you wanted.

Let’s use the hypothetical belief of “I had bad things happen to me when I was younger, and so this is how I am now.” You can come up with one of your own. The reason I’m choosing the belief “bad things happened to me” is Elizabeth Smart, whose story made national headlines. When she was fourteen, she was kidnapped from her bedroom and forced to be the second wife of a man she didn’t even know. She was later saved and is now living her life on her terms. She is not a victim anymore. I don’t think she ever was. She just had bad things happen to her. She is strong and living her life to the fullest.

The difference between a victim and a thriver is the mindset. When you believe you can, you can.

T. Harv Eker, an author and motivational speaker, says, “You can have reasons or results, but you can’t have both.” It’s true. You can make excuses for where you are, or you can make different decisions and get the results you want. It’s all about perspective and how we believe things are.

Make the decision to be a thriver this week.

Talk to you soon,

22 Apr 2014

Coming Home

Coming Home

 Home. What do you think when you hear that word? I know we all have our own definition of what home means. Most times a picture comes to mind of where you grew up. To me, that is your house. When I think of home, it is all the emotions that come with the house.

What emotions do you feel when you think of home? I hope you are filled with love, security, belonging, togetherness, a safe place to make mistakes.  A place to learn and grow. I want everyone to feel like they are loved and that they belong because you are. It may not always be in your house where you feel that way, but you can always find a home. Home is where the heart is, not where the body is.

Home is a feeling that you can create for yourself and the ones you love. Did you know that you choose where to gather together? You have the power to create a home right now where ever you are. I have met people living in abject poverty that feel like kings and queens of their tiny castle. I have met families living in a modern day mansion feeling like paupers. It comes from your perspective about where you are.

I had the privilege of training with Blair Singer in Poland, and he said something very profound that I will never forget. He said, “It’s never too late to have a great childhood.” I’d like to add, “It’s never too late to have a great now.” Did you know you can change your life just by talking with others? You can ask people how they remember something and it will be different from the way you do. I guarantee it. This is true even with siblings raised in the same home, by the same parents,  living many of the same experiences. It is also true of whatever it is you are doing right now. If you are sharing an experience with someone, they are having a different one.

You are living with your filters and beliefs and they are doing the same with theirs. Take some time today and ask people what experience they are having. I bet you will find some are having a fabulously successful moment and others are not. The question is, Where do you fall on this graph? I hope it is closer to the mind- blowing fantastic exhilarating side than the I’m all alone and it’s hopeless one.

Once you find out where you are, you can change where you are going with the paradigm shifting power of thought. Amazing isn’t it! I challenge you to create a better home for yourself right now today. It’s never too late to have a great life.

Smile and enjoy the process,

16 Apr 2014


spent the last four days in a little room in Warsaw, Poland with about sixty incredible people learning how to make a difference in the world. It felt like a grass roots meeting from when America was birthed into a nation. Poland is an amazing country with special people. It has been an emotional trip for me.

After I had completed the training, I went out to see Warsaw. Today I went to Krakow. It is one thing to read about World War II and quite another to walk the ground on which it occurred. My feelings have been very raw. It is so painful for me to witness inhumanity in people; the concentration camps and labor camps were the pinnacle of inhumanity.

I know that it must never be allowed to happen again. My mission is to bully proof the world one community at a time by increasing confidence and personal value. We must guard against the evil in the world. We must guard against others that would hurt our children and families. We must take the time to educate the world to the horrors that follow a hardened heart. We must love our fellow man and have compassion when they are in pain.

Spend some time today connecting with others at the heart level. Really connect. Look into the eyes of a loved one and feel them. Let them know how precious they are to you. You never know how much time you have left to convey your love, so make sure you do it today. Take them in your arms if you can. Call them if you can’t. Make sure you do not go to bed without sharing your love.

Take care,