Category: Uncategorized

13 Apr 2014

Aren’t You Glad I Don’t Believe That?

Aren’t You Glad I Don’t Believe That?

Those words spoken to a loved one in crisis about being called a name are priceless. I want you to use them the next time you are tempted to launch into a lecture about how what was said was not true. Let me explain.

“Mom, Timmy just called me the ugliest person he’s ever seen,” said my young daughter.

“Aren’t you glad I don’t believe that?” I said back. (I had learned this phrase from Jim Faye and Foster Cline at The Love and Logic Institute in Colorado This was the first time I had used it. It was hard for me to not follow protocol and spend the next 10-15 minutes explaining how she was beautiful. I saw a look of surprise cross her face and then a smile as she walked away. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it worked. Those seven words changed both our lives. I still use them and my children use them on me. They work every time. I am transported to a supportive loving home with people that believe in me, and I know they are as well.

This little skill can become a habit that will help bully proof you and your kids from the inside out for a life time. It lets you know that people have opinions, but you don’t have to buy into them. Use this powerful statement the next time you are faced with negative comments. Teach them to your loved ones and feel your future change. Watch everyday as action is taken to make life better. Hear the words that are used to empower and give thanks that you were handed a very useful tool that is so easy to implement. Now pass it on to someone else.

See you at a training soon,

03 Mar 2014

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

You Are Powerful.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life. There is no coincidence. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. You do make a difference. You impact others just by being in their lives. You may not know the effect you have at the moment, but you still have the impact. This next story happened to me in the early 1990s while I worked as a waitress in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I was a single parent to my beautiful daughter, Erin. Money was tight and we were on state assistance. I worked three jobs and attended the University of Utah. I knew that if I didn’t go to school, our lives would be harder, and I had to go while she was young so she wouldn’t remember the sacrifices. I am proud to say she never went to bed hungry. She always had food,  shelter, and plenty of love.

Times were hard, and I didn’t always know what was next. One evening while I was waitressing at Two Guys From Italy across from the Salt Palace where the Utah Jazz basketball team played, I had the privilege of waiting on Mark Eaton when he and his wife came for dinner after a game. People talked to him all evening. At the time, I didn`t know he was a player for the Jazz. I just saw how nice he was to everyone who stopped by his table to speak with him. He never turned anyone away.

At closing time, my manager wanted to go home. I told him I would stay and let the couple finish eating because they hadn’t had any time alone. I didn’t mind; Erin was sleeping at Grandma’s so it didn’t matter what time I picked her up. Jose, the busboy, said he would stay as well. For the next few hours, it was just the four of us. I let Mark and his wife know the kitchen would be closing, but they could stay as long as they liked. I would keep their drinks full and serve them any dessert they wanted.

It was past two o’clock when they finally got up to leave. After Mark paid the bill, he gave Jose and me a one-hundred-dollar bill each. I was shocked. I had never seen that kind of money before, at least not in one bill! I didn’t think I deserved it, but then Mark said, “You gave me a lovely, uninterrupted dinner with my wife. We don’t get that very often and it means a great deal to me. Thank you.”

As I drove home that evening, I thought about all the things I could buy: food, clothes, parts to fix my car. I had received a blessing, and to this day Mark Eaton is one of my heroes, and he doesn’t even know it.

When you touch other people with positive energy, they are empowered to do things they did not believe possible. When I do an experiential training, I cut up a pen to show how we can take what we are handed and make a better “us” with it. You decide how others impact you. You decide who has power over you, and with that decision, you empower others.

Meet you somewhere soon,

27 Feb 2014

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head. Part 2

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

Part 2

 Let’s go back and cover that again. I’m not so sure I got it all the first time. Fort Dix, New Jersey, the summer of 1987. My company is standing behind an earthen embankment on the live grenade range. Private Smith (not her real name) is coming down the dirt road approaching the Training Instructor, TI. We all see the two very large eyes drawn on her helmet. She enters the concrete stall. She takes the live grenade from the TI. She crouches down; she pulls the pin.  She stands up; pops the spoon, and DROPS THE GRENADE IN THE STALL AT HER FEET!!! Do you understand what just happened? In about three seconds, Private Smith and the TI will no longer be on this earth.

Everyone froze, the earth stood still, and we all held our breath. Then the TI grabs Smith, throws her over the wall into the stall next to them, and jumps in after. He covers her with his body to protect her. At this time, I don’t think I’ve breathed yet, and the world is still frozen. Then it explodes into a million pieces. Debris hits the windows and the earth shakes. The entire company is like statues. Then it really gets crazy.

Private Smith is thrown out the back of the stall. The TI is shouting and pointing off to the right. She takes off running and we realize what the eyes mean. They mean; look out. Beware! She might kill you! We all want to know what is on our helmets. We want to know if we were measured and found lacking. We turn to our ranger buddies and ask, “WHAT’S ON MY HELMET?”

This is the part I wish my mature self could go back to. The part I look back on and say to my young inexperienced self. “What are you doing? It doesn’t matter. You are a go at this station. You were successful. Stop worrying what someone else thought of you and look at what you accomplished.”

I was the platoon leader. I was in charge. I should have said something. I should have said, “It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what you believe about yourself. It’s about what you have accomplished. It’s about the fact that you are on this side of the embankment. It’s about the fact that you were successful.”

I can forgive my young self. I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t know then that I decide how I feel about myself, that I build and choose my self-esteem. I place determine my personal value.

That is no longer an excuse. I know better. I can no longer remain silent and allow others to give false information to my children or yours. I can no longer stand by while adults feel bad because someone said something to them years ago that left a scar.

You bully proof yourself with your belief in who you are. You decide what you believe about yourself and others just validate you. No one can bully you without your permission.

You will never control what others say to you or about you, but you can control how it impacts you. Charles Swindoll says, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Mean words only leave a mark if you let them. When you know you are valuable, you’re rubber and they’re glue for real. What they say does bounce off you because you have a different belief. Their opinion does not matter because you know differently.

It is my mission to step into my power as a leader, trainer, parent, and human and let you know that it doesn’t matter what someone has written on your helmet. It matters what you believe about yourself. It matters what you tell yourself.

What is your internal dialog? Keep track of it for a week. Put a piece of paper in your pocket and for the next seven days write down the things you say to yourself. Then listen to what others say to you. I bet you say worse things than they do. STOP IT. Harness the power of your mind and make it work for you instead of against you. You control your mind. No one else can, so you better.

Remind yourself of all the things you have accomplished in your life. Remind yourself that you are a magnificent being created for an important purpose.  Now take action to live that purpose. Step into your power and live your life.

I never saw Private Smith again, but I hope she realized that she can always fix a mistake. With perseverance and the ability to measure, monitor, and adjust she can create any future she wants. I like to think she is an expert on the grenade range, maybe even a high ranking officer. Whatever she chose, I know you can leave the victim story behind and step into your power and create the life you want.

Make the decision that you are who you are not what someone says you are.

Until next time,

26 Feb 2014

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

 I remember basic training at Fort Dix, New Jersey well.  However, one day really stands out. That day was when we threw live grenades.

I was first platoon leader because I was the tallest person in the company. That was how they assigned positions when I was there– the tallest down to the shortest so when marching we looked uniform. So because I was at the front, I got to go through the grenade range first.

When we arrived at the open range; the Training Instructors (TI’s) met and told us the layout and what would be happening. From our formation the practice range was off to our left and the live range was a short distance beyond on the right. They put us at ease and demonstrated the proper way to aim, throw, and recover.

The practice range was open with not much around it. It did have a wooden wall about 4’ tall. The live range was harder to see because it had a very large earth embankment surrounding most of it. We would move from the practice range to the live range one at a time. When we were done at the live range, we could gather behind the embankment and watch the others. There were some small windows of 10” thick clear material that we could see through.  We were not to go anywhere else but stay with the protection of the earth embankment. Safety first.

I have to admit I was a little nervous being the first. I like watching and learning from others.   That way I don’t make as many mistakes. There was some time between the instruction and demo phase and the action phase. The voice inside my head was going crazy. I was going to die. I was going to make a fool of myself. I was going to kill the TI. I was going to screw up and be doing the low crawl and pushups for the rest of my life. On and on it went until they told us to fall in. Then my mind went blank, and I started to sweat.

Everything in basic training is done on a run or at the march so I am sure I did one or the other; I just don’t remember which one. I’m pretty sure I ran up to the TI because I remember I was breathing really hard. He handed me the first practice grenade and told me to throw. I got to throw three in all. Then he took a large piece of chalk and wrote something on my helmet.  Told me to get going and pointed toward the live range.

I could see the TI for the live range and I ran toward him. I approached the live range from the side. I had a road in front of me, the earth embankment on the right, a thick concrete wall about 4’ tall and 10’ wide on the left, and past the wall an open field with craters in it.  The TI was standing about half way down the road and it looked like he was standing in the wall. As I passed the end of the wall, I realized the wall wasn’t 10’ wide, but that it had stalls in it (like our cow barn with sleeping stalls).  Each stall was about 4’ wide with very thick concrete dividing them. The TI was standing in one of the stalls. I ran into the stall. He looked at my helmet, handed me a grenade, and told me to throw.

I took the live grenade, crouched down, pulled the pin, stood up, aimed, popped the spoon, threw, and hit the dirt in the stall. There was a loud explosion. He tapped my shoulder, told me I was a go and to move behind the embankment.

Each exercise during basic is classified as a go or a no go. If you are a go, that means you have done a good job and can move on. If you are a no go, you must redo the exercise until you get it right or they send you back to start over with another company.

I was relieved that I had performed satisfactorily and now could watch everyone else to see how they’d do. As the company moved through the exercise, the number of us behind the embankment grew larger than the number waiting to go. We were almost done. Everyone was relaxed and having a good time telling each other how they had done. The ones behind the embankment told the ones just finishing how far they had thrown.

All of a sudden we noticed a private coming down the road with two big eyeballs drawn on her helmet. We all had no idea what that meant. It quieted down as we all watched her approach the TI. He grabbed her and pulled her into the stall right next to him. He handed her the grenade but did not move back. She crouched down, pulled the pin, stood up, popped the spoon, and dropped it in the stall. The TI grabbed her, threw her over the wall into the next stall, and then jumped over himself. He covered her with his body. There was a loud explosion and all kinds of debris hit the windows. We couldn’t see a thing for a moment. The cloud of earth and smoke cleared just in time for us to see the TI pick her up and throw her out the back of the stall. He was yelling at her and pointing to a place off to the right that we couldn’t see. She got up and ran.

All of us behind the earthen embankment immediately turned to one another and asked, “What’s on my helmet?” We had forgotten that we had completed the exercise.  We forgot what we had done and began worrying what someone else thought of us. I would like to say that as the leader I stepped forward and pointed that out to everyone, but I didn’t. I was right there with them wondering what was on my helmet.

However, I am here to tell you now that it is not about what’s on your helmet that counts. It’s about what’s in your head. It’s about what you believe about yourself and what you can do. It’s not about what others think of you. It’s about what you have accomplished. It’s about all the wonderful things that make up you.

That is what my book Bully Proofing You is all about. It’s about teaching you and reminding you that it’s not about what’s on your helmet, it’s about your belief in yourself.

Thanks for letting me share with you. Please pass this story on to someone you feel would benefit from it. Until next time, remember all the wonderful things you are.

Take Care,

19 Feb 2014

The Choices You Make

Take a moment and think about what you want for your life. If money were no object, would you move to a nicer place? Would you go to school? Would you hang out with different people? Would you quit your job and go to work someplace nicer? Would you travel? What would you do?
Now here is the tricky part. It’s not about the money—it’s about your mind-set. It’s about your perspective. How many times in the last week have you said, “I can’t do that because _______.” Or “I have to do ________.” That’s not really true. You choose to do or not to do things based on your beliefs. Consider how your life would change if you changed your belief and took action toward something you wanted.
Let’s use the hypothetical belief of “I had bad things happen to me when I was younger, and so this is how I am now.” You can come up with one of your own. I’m going to challenge this belief and the resulting person you have become because of it, so you might want to start with one that’s easier for you to confront.
The reason I’m choosing the belief “bad things happened to me” is to use the example of Elizabeth Smart, whose story made national headlines. When she was fourteen, she was kidnapped from her bedroom and forced to be the second wife of a man she didn’t even know. She was later saved and is now living her life on her terms. She is not a victim anymore. She is strong and living her life to the fullest. She made the decision to leave the past in the past and create a wonderful future for herself. I recommend reading her book if you have some past abuse you need to overcome.
T. Harv Eker , an author and motivational speaker says, “You can have reasons or results, but you can’t have both.” It’s true. You can make excuses for where you are, or you can make different decisions and get the results you want. It’s all about perspective and how we believe things are. Do you find yourself saying things that become true? Do you predict your day in shower? Do you blame others for where you find yourself?
I challenge you to take responsibility for were you are because when you take control of your decisions you can make new ones. I like telling myself that a bad decision can always be followed by a good one. I can measure, monitor, and adjust my decisions based on my results. If I don’t have the results I want, I just change my decisions and action steps.
Bad things happened to good people and good things happen to bad people. The difference is the everyday experiences. The way you choose to deal with what has happened creates your life. I just wanted to make you aware of what is happening between your ears so you can live your life consciously. Use your marvelous mind to create joy and abundance for yourself and your family. You’ll be glad you did.
Keep moving forward,