Life and Death

Life and Death

If you are reading this, it means that one day you will die. Everything that is alive has an end. When I was younger, that end terrified me. I grew up with animals and witnessed some of my favorites pass. I never understood it. I still don’t totally understand how to handle it. I have grown to remember the good times and cherish them. I try not to be selfish or get mad because I want more. I try to accept it.

Sometimes, I think of those I love leaving me through death, and it freaks me out. The thought of losing a child or my husband can make me shut down from fear. It paralyzes me, and it can be very difficult to move past. When they are out of my sight, I worry. I want to wrap them in bubble wrap before I let them go. I want to lock them in the home and not let them go anywhere. I want my loved ones safe and free from pain or harm. I know that is not always possible. Life is full of risk. So, I let them live theirs the way they see fit with my guidance and direction. It is very difficult to watch the people I love go through pain that I can’t stop. My mother is in this kind of pain.

On August 7, we went to divorce court for her. Her husband of eleven years is divorcing her. I believe it is so he doesn’t have to pay for her care. In October 2013, my mom came to visit me from Ferron, Ut. While she was here, Dennis called my mother-in-law and told her he thought it should be permanent so she called me. That is how my mother came to live with me almost two years ago. Every day she has asked when she gets to see Dennis again. At first he would let her come and visit him. Then he said she would have to go into a nursing home when she visited. My mom is terrified of being left in a nursing home, but she tamed that fear so she could see him. Then he filed for a divorce and stopped seeing her.

My mom feels abandoned. She feels unloved and no matter what I say or do she still feels this way. While we were in court, she sat and stared at him the entire time. She doesn’t understand what is happening. Frankly, I don’t either. I think it is about money, and I tell her that. I tell her I love her and I’m glad she lives with me, but I know she wants to live with him.

How do you heal someone else’s pain? How do you help another person when you don’t know what to do? I have found I can’t so I give it to God. God is the answer to everything. I know it can seem like He has abandoned me from time to time because he has his time schedule, not mine. But if I am patient and I listen, He is always there for me.

Will you please pray for my mother? Will you lift her up to God so she might find healing? She is not long for this earth. Her time is near and no matter how much I want her to stay, I know she will leave soon. I don’t want her in physical or mental pain anymore, but I want her with me. I know that is selfish. Will you also pray for me? I need strength and courage. I need God to strengthen and support me.

Hold your loved ones close. Let them know how much you love them every day. You never know your last day.

May God bless you and support you in your time of need.

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