Category: Thoughts and Suggestions

I love the calm of the early morning before anyone wakes up and the house is quite. Last night it snowed. For some reason I have not spent the time to figure out yet, when it snows a peace lays over me and I feel love. As I write this, I’m listening to George Winston’s December. I love his piano solos. I came in contact with his music in college. I could listen to it all day. In fact, I do many days. It also calms my spirit.

I know that many people feel rushed this time of year. They feel pressure to get the perfect gift, to attend parties, to have everything go as planned. I had a friend tell me the other day, “Relax, nothing is in control.” I use to be so in control of everything; my emotions, my house, what I ate. That is part of the reason I enjoyed the military so much. There was a place for everything and everything in its place.

Awhile back, two friends stopped by to see me when I was stuck at home because of a blood clot in my leg. They had never been to my home so I was showing them around. When I showed them the pantry, they were shocked. My cans of food were all lined up with the labels facing out. My house was GI as they say. BOY have I changed.

When my daughter, Erin, was young we use to fight because she would move things and not put them back. It drove me crazy. Then one day she brought home a poem.

“FINGERPRINTS”

Sometimes you get discouraged,
because I am so small
And leave my little fingerprints
On furniture and walls.
But everyday I’m growing
And soon will be so tall
That all these little fingerprints
Will be difficult to recall.
So here’s a little handprint
That you can put away
So you will know how my fingers looked
On this special day.

Author: Unknown
Read more at https://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/5772.html#C6jP78jlfUXC5Ckw.99

This poem changed my life. That was when I started becoming the person I am now. I made some major changes. It has not always been easy but it has always been worth it. I can now sit and write my newsletter in the calm even though my home is a mess. I haven’t dusted for some time or swept the floors and I am at peace because spending time with each other is more important.

Last night we stayed up until 2:30 am watching movies because Max wanted to spend more time with us. All because of another poem that changed my life. You can find it here https://www.cathye.com/momjustfortoday.htm

Now you know why I can sit and be calm; because, I choose too. Because I have decided life and living is more important than a clean house. Because God is in the calm. He is there waiting for us to just slow down and connect with Him. Life is meant to be lived. You need to enjoy each moment. Find your calm and live there. When you find you are slipping out, find ways to get it back. It really is a better way to live. I know I’ve done it.

Take care and live in peace.

Have a blessed Christmas and remember you are loved. You are valuable. You are needed in this time and space.

Merry Christmas.

I grew up in Washington state on a dairy farm, and for me Christmas time is rain. I’ve lived in Utah for over 30 years which is longer than I lived in Washington. However, whenever it rains, I think of Christmas. I guess you could say rain is a trigger for me. What are your triggers? What brings memories, emotions, and states of being to the front of your mind?

There is a shampoo; I don’t recall the name right now, but every time I smell it, I’m back in basic training. I use instrumental music and candles to help me focus on writing. I use the snoopy dance to anchor in wins. I use Eye of the Tiger to motivate me and keep me moving forward.

When I want to change my mental state, I change my physical state. It works but, I’m sure you already knew that. My question is, how to I become aware more quickly of my need to change?

I’m sick right now. I have a sore throat, cough, runny nose that kind of thing. I haven’t been sick for almost two years. The last time was January 2013. I use to get sick a lot. Then a very dear friend told me that sickness can start as a mental thing. He was never sick so, I paid attention– after I told him he was crazy!

I think that the immune system starts with a healthy and strong mind. I had feelings of overwhelm, fear, and loss last week so I think that part of the reason I am sick now. We are constantly surrounded by germs. There is no way to get away from them. I don’t mean to scare you if you are afraid of these kinds of things. I’m just stating the facts. So, if we are immersed in bacteria all the time, why aren’t we sick all the time? I believe it has to do with the mind and our triggers.

I need to be aware of the negative so I can deal with it. I need to focus on the positive so I keep moving toward my dreams. I need to be aware of mental drain and rejuvenate myself. I know I need to take time for myself. I need to check in and take care of me first so I can take care of others. Sometimes I lose sight of the forest for the trees.

The first step is to change awareness, and I just made myself aware. I will also ask for support from those closest to me. My taking care of myself gives them permission to take care of themselves. I’m human, and I made some mistakes last week. The best thing for me to do is learn from them so I don’t repeat them and keep moving forward. Measure, monitor, and adjust so I don’t beat myself up over mistakes anymore.

The best thing is to learn from others so you don’t have to make the mistake. I hope you have learned from me this week and have found value in my mistake.

Stay healthy and strong. Keep moving forward. Enjoy life. Be blessed.

Take care for now,

I grew up in Washington state on a dairy farm, and for me Christmas time is rain. I’ve lived in Utah for over 30 years which is longer than I lived in Washington. However, whenever it rains, I think of Christmas. I guess you could say rain is a trigger for me. What are your triggers? What brings memories, emotions, and states of being to the front of your mind?

There is a shampoo; I don’t recall the name right now, but every time I smell it, I’m back in basic training. I use instrumental music and candles to help me focus on writing. I use the snoopy dance to anchor in wins. I use Eye of the Tiger to motivate me and keep me moving forward.

When I want to change my mental state, I change my physical state. It works but, I’m sure you already knew that. My question is, how to I become aware more quickly of my need to change?

I’m sick right now. I have a sore throat, cough, runny nose that kind of thing. I haven’t been sick for almost two years. The last time was January 2013. I use to get sick a lot. Then a very dear friend told me that sickness can start as a mental thing. He was never sick so, I paid attention– after I told him he was crazy!

I think that the immune system starts with a healthy and strong mind. I had feelings of overwhelm, fear, and loss last week so I think that part of the reason I am sick now. We are constantly surrounded by germs. There is no way to get away from them. I don’t mean to scare you if you are afraid of these kinds of things. I’m just stating the facts. So, if we are immersed in bacteria all the time, why aren’t we sick all the time? I believe it has to do with the mind and our triggers.

I need to be aware of the negative so I can deal with it. I need to focus on the positive so I keep moving toward my dreams. I need to be aware of mental drain and rejuvenate myself. I know I need to take time for myself. I need to check in and take care of me first so I can take care of others. Sometimes I lose sight of the forest for the trees.

The first step is to change awareness, and I just made myself aware. I will also ask for support from those closest to me. My taking care of myself gives them permission to take care of themselves. I’m human, and I made some mistakes last week. The best thing for me to do is learn from them so I don’t repeat them and keep moving forward. Measure, monitor, and adjust so I don’t beat myself up over mistakes anymore.

The best thing is to learn from others so you don’t have to make the mistake. I hope you have learned from me this week and have found value in my mistake.

Stay healthy and strong. Keep moving forward. Enjoy life. Be blessed.

Take care for now,

My son Max was injured yesterday in basketball practice. He has a concussion and needs to lie quietly in a dark room. When I became a mother, the fear of “the phone call” came with it. When my children are out of my sight, I worry, sometimes more than others. I have to use all the skills I have learned to control my inner dialog. If I don’t harness my mind, I am living in the final apocalypse, fighting for the lives of my family. I have the power to scare the crap out of myself in seconds.

The mind is so powerful. It does so much for me and against me. I would do anything for my kids. I would give up my life for them. When they hurt, I hurt, and I wish with all my heart I could take their pain away. I am a problem solver, and I want to fix the world. I want to help everyone know they are special, they are loved, and they are needed in this time and space.

A student at Fremont High School in Ogden, Utah took a gun to school. Thankfully he was stopped before he could shoot anyone. My heart goes out to every parent who has to say goodbye to their children every morning and hope they come home safely. We must make the world a safer place and the only way to do that is to improve confidence and personal value in everyone.

When people believe in themselves, they believe in others. A human cannot hurt another human; they can only hurt objects. It is my mission to bring people back to the human side of living. It is my mission to educate others and empower them to live the life they were meant to live.

We have to make our communities safe once again. We have to stem the fear and hate that is taking over this world. My book is just one way to help. There are other ways to get support and create change. I don’t care where you turn, just make sure you are making a difference. Make sure you are doing your part to make this world safer for everyone.

When you talk about others, use their name even when you are upset. For example, “John, hurt me when he took my parking space.” NOT “That bastard, how dare he take my space!” You can hurt a bastard, but you can’t hurt John. John has a family and loved ones; a bastard does not. Pay attention to how you speak about others today and see if you can reconnect with the human side of life.

I’m sure Max will be okay. His condition has not worsened since yesterday, and it is a little bit better. I believe we can change the world one person at a time. It takes each of us doing our part.

You might have seen the interview on Good Morning Utah. This time when you watch it pay close attention to what James has to say. https://www.good4utah.com/story/d/story/bully-proofing-you-improving-personal-value-to-sto/11496/SnVZxYMhCUqz0uKjq3Z-Rg He helped someone because who he was made a difference. Who I am makes a difference. I decide what kind of a difference that is every day with my words and my actions. Who you are makes a difference as well. Make sure it is the kind of difference you want to make.

Make a big splash in the lives of others today,

Sometimes the biggest bully is the one between your ears. That’s right. I have heard myself and my friends say things to themselves that they are just horrible. This week, let’s talk about how to deal with the bully that lives in your own head.

I lived with mine for years before I realized it was me. I thought it was my conscience telling me what I was doing wrong. I was in my thirties before I realized it was just me attacking myself. I still wrestle with it, but I have learned some things that help me. I want to share them with you.

1. When I realized I am talking down or calling myself names for a mistake I made. I say “Thank you for sharing.”
2. I remind myself that I am loved; I am valuable; I am needed in this time and place.
3. I ask myself, “How could I have done better?”
4. I apply my new-found knowledge

1. When I don’t like my body and say very mean things to myself, I again start with, “Thank you for sharing.”
2. I list 10 things I like about my body and the wonderful things can do because of it.

I made the decision a few years back that it was time to start loving me. That includes my body. I was looking in the mirror telling myself how much weight I had gained. I wished I could have my twenty year old body back. Then all of a sudden, I realized I had said the same thing at twenty. I didn’t like my body then either. I decided it was time to start loving my body.
The things we can do have always fascinated me. That is part of the reason I become a health teacher. I love studying this amazing thing we find our souls housed in. Just spend some time today with yourself thinking of all the wonderful things you can do because you have a body. Compare yourself to yourself, not some ideal society has put forth that can’t be attained without computer touch ups.

Do you have hands and feet? I know people who don’t and can still do more things than I can. Can you read and write? There are people who can’t, but yet they still find a way to get things done. Be thankful for who you are and what you can do. You have special talents that are needed right now, so make sure you use them to their fullest. You do not help this world by playing small.
Take time every day to love and honor yourself. Stop the bully between your ears and live your life to its fullest. It’s better that way. I know. I’ve been there.
Thanks for spending time with me today.
Have a wonderful one,

I have a confession to make. I almost gave up this week. I spent so much time preparing for some very big events this month, and it was so much fun and so exciting. As you know, the biggest event was when ABC came to my home to video and interview me and a former student.

It started with me getting in contact with some of my former students– thank goodness for Facebook. It was so nice to connect with them and catch up. It felt so good to hear how well they were doing. As a high school teacher, you don’t always know what happens when they graduate and move on. It was so inspiring to hear how they had taken the knowledge I had given them and used it to improve their life. Some of them have been through so much, and yet they have thrived and made dynamic and successful lives for themselves and their families.

That all ended on October 23 and the last few days I have been lost. I did not make my routine 50 cold calls because I didn’t know who to call. I wasn’t sure what to do. Then on Friday I got an email from Mydomain.com telling me I needed to pay for my next year of webhosting. I moved my website to Godaddy.com because I love the customer support. They have helped me so much. I have had problems finding someone to work on my website consistently, and it seems that it keeps falling on my shoulders. I have learned so much over the past two years, but I am not into web design, nor do I want to be. Godaddy is always there to answer questions and help me with my web problems. So I called them to see if I needed to pay or if everything was alright. I wanted to make sure everything was up and running when the ABC interview airs and that there wouldn’t be any problems.

Eric, the tech that helped me, showed me how to view the stats for my sites. One minute I was feeling kind of down and lost wondering if I was reaching people and having an impact outside the classroom. Then I saw how many people have been viewing my websites. It was paradigm shifting to say the least. Bullyproofingyou.com was the one we looked at first. I launched it in February of this year. It has had 5,550 unique visitors, 13,596 visits, 54,660 pages, and 93,289 hits. It was so transformational for me. It is reaching people all over the world. China had 2,460 hits, Ukraine had 957, Brazil had 683, Italy 298, Greece 106, Vietnam 20, It blew my mind. I couldn’t believe it; it had 48 countries listed. I don’t even know where Latvia is. I will remedy that today however. Then we looked at Jeanieciscometh.com. It launched January 2014. It has had 6,645 unique visitors, 15,987 visits, 43,309 pages, and 72,323 hits. Again, countries from all around the globe.

I feel so blessed to know that Bully Proofing You is making a difference. To know the message is getting into the hands of people that need it. It really is all about perspective. Mine shifted big time.

Thanks for listening and sharing in this win with me.

Have an awesome day,

I have a confession to make. I almost gave up this week. I spent so much time preparing for some very big events this month, and it was so much fun and so exciting. As you know, the biggest event was when ABC came to my home to video and interview me and a former student.

It started with me getting in contact with some of my former students– thank goodness for Facebook. It was so nice to connect with them and catch up. It felt so good to hear how well they were doing. As a high school teacher, you don’t always know what happens when they graduate and move on. It was so inspiring to hear how they had taken the knowledge I had given them and used it to improve their life. Some of them have been through so much, and yet they have thrived and made dynamic and successful lives for themselves and their families.

That all ended on October 23 and the last few days I have been lost. I did not make my routine 50 cold calls because I didn’t know who to call. I wasn’t sure what to do. Then on Friday I got an email from Mydomain.com telling me I needed to pay for my next year of webhosting. I moved my website to Godaddy.com because I love the customer support. They have helped me so much. I have had problems finding someone to work on my website consistently, and it seems that it keeps falling on my shoulders. I have learned so much over the past two years, but I am not into web design, nor do I want to be. Godaddy is always there to answer questions and help me with my web problems. So I called them to see if I needed to pay or if everything was alright. I wanted to make sure everything was up and running when the ABC interview airs and that there wouldn’t be any problems.

Eric, the tech that helped me, showed me how to view the stats for my sites. One minute I was feeling kind of down and lost wondering if I was reaching people and having an impact outside the classroom. Then I saw how many people have been viewing my websites. It was paradigm shifting to say the least. Bullyproofingyou.com was the one we looked at first. I launched it in February of this year. It has had 5,550 unique visitors, 13,596 visits, 54,660 pages, and 93,289 hits. It was so transformational for me. It is reaching people all over the world. China had 2,460 hits, Ukraine had 957, Brazil had 683, Italy 298, Greece 106, Vietnam 20, It blew my mind. I couldn’t believe it; it had 48 countries listed. I don’t even know where Latvia is. I will remedy that today however. Then we looked at Jeanieciscometh.com. It launched January 2014. It has had 6,645 unique visitors, 15,987 visits, 43,309 pages, and 72,323 hits. Again, countries from all around the globe.

I feel so blessed to know that Bully Proofing You is making a difference. To know the message is getting into the hands of people that need it. It really is all about perspective. Mine shifted big time.

Thanks for listening and sharing in this win with me.

Have an awesome day,

Part 4 of 4

Have you been bullied? It is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Many media ports are professing that bullying is an epidemic taking over the world and destroying it. This is the cause of so much pain in our world, and I am here to put an end to it. That is why I wrote the book Bully Proofing You: Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out.

I am tired of hearing another life has been lost to bullying. There is no truth to this statement. People do not take their life because they have been bullied. People take their life because they feel they have no value or hope for a better tomorrow. My heart breaks every time someone gives up and is lost. It is my mission to end this tragic disease that is wrecking the lives of so many.

There really is an easy remedy. Believe in your own personal value. Believe you are here for a reason that no one else can fulfill. Believe you have a purpose that must be accomplished right now in this time and in this space.

Take a moment and think of one of your heroes. Is it a parent or teacher? Is it someone that made you feel important with a kind word or a smile? Feel the love you have for them in your heart. Close your eyes for a moment and just feel it. Do you have a smile on your face? Did just thinking of them raise your spirits? Of course it did. What if they had not stepped into their power and had an impact on you? Your life would be different would it not?

God created you with a purpose in mind. You do not serve him by playing small. Stop hiding under a bushel and let your light shine for others. Stop listening to the negative things people say and choose to listen to all the empowering ones. In Matthew 7:7 you are told to seek so you can find. Start seeking the things that lift you up and empower you. Continue to improve your confidence and personal value so you can positively impact those around you. Believe that you are created by the all-powerful God for the purpose of shining your light so others may follow.

This world needs your light more than ever. It is so dark in places that it will take every light to bring about change. Maybe you are the one to make the scales tip in favor of a positive world, community, work place, and home. You never know how far your light will shine but you have to turn it on first.

Find the power within and from above and light up your corner of the world. Shout it out that you love your life. Let it show on your face and in your being. Let the power of you shower others with love and light so that they know they are loved and blessed just as God intended them to be. Be the change you wish to see in the world.

We can all live in peace and it starts with letting go of the past and stepping into our power. It doesn’t matter what was said. What matters is how you react to what is said. Don’t let others steal your power with their negative comments. You know better. You can do anything. You are blessed. You are loved.

Share your love today. Smile.

Thanks for letting me share this time and space with you.

Continue having blessed days and sharing your light. Others need it.

Your friend,

Part 2 of 4

What do I do when my child is being bullied? How do I protect them when I’m not around? How do I build a bubble of love, kindness, and protection so I don’t have to worry as much?

I’m glad you asked.

As a survivor of bullying, parent of four, high school teacher, and lifelong learner I have learned a great deal about how to prevent bullying. I’m going to give you a few tips here. If you want to learn more, you can order my book Bully Proofing You: Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out at www.bullyproofingyou.com.

Last week I gave you 10 steps you can take to improve confidence and personal value in your loved ones. This and the decision to love your self is the foundation to bully proofing. Let me explain.

When you decide to love and value yourself it doesn’t matter what others say, you know differently. You are valuable because you decided to be so.

Let’s say we have a lunch date at your favorite restaurant. You take your time getting dressed and put on your favorite red dress. After all, it’s not every day you get to have time for yourself with it paid for. Double bonus–as I give you a welcoming hug, I mention what a beautiful purple shirt you have on. What are you thinking about me and yourself? Do you doubt that you have on a red dress? Do you wonder what happened? No! You just think I’m crazy or being silly. If you do doubt yourself, please make the decision to improve your confidence and personal value because you are the model for your children. You cannot show them a better way if you are living something different.

When you believe in something, it doesn’t matter what someone else says because you know differently. You know you have a beautiful red dress on. My saying it was a purple blouse did not have any impact on you because you knew better. It’s the same with people saying rude things to you. It has no affect because you know differently.

Decide today to love yourself. I know society says not to but it’s wrong. Do you really want what is happening out there? I don’t. Main stream media scares the bejebbers out of me. So much hate and unrest in the world try something different for a change. Say, “I love myself.” It may feel awkward at first but stick with it for the next twenty-one days and see what happens. I don’t know exactly what will happen for you, but I know what has happened for hundreds of others. They have taken a major step towards living the life they want instead of one someone else decides for them.

When you let others impact you, you are living their life not yours. They have control of you through their words. You don’t want that. You want to be free. You have plans for your future. Make the decision today to love yourself. Put notes up in prominent places to remind yourself of your new decision. When your loved ones ask you about it, teach them.

It takes courage to make a change. I understand that moving through fear of what others think of you can be hard. I also know it can save lives. What if by loving yourself you gave your loved ones permission to love themselves? You might just save a life. You cannot hurt yourself if you love yourself and you won’t let others hurt you either.

Have a blessed day,

Part 1 of 4
A parent’s number one fear is making mistakes while raising their children. “What if I’m doing it wrong?” is often a question I get. “How do I improve confidence so they are happier? I’m tired of the long faces and grumpy attitudes.” “I need help. Please help me.”

I’ll be the first to tell you I don’t have all the answers, but I do have quite a few. I’ve had over 23 years as a parent and a high school teacher. As a teacher, I worked with one of the most disadvantaged populations of teens there is. My students had made plenty of bad decisions. Most of them were involved in gangs and drugs. Many were parents with multiple children. About 98% of the students were in state custody. All of them were at risk of never graduating. I learned a great deal working with them and my own children that I have used to help others.

What I would like to talk about today is how to improve confidence and personal value in those you love. Little, low cost steps that will make a world of difference in your relationships with others. Let’s get started.

1. When you are away and heading back home, stop at the convenience store and buy their favorite candy. Leave it with a note that says, “I love you and missed you today.”
2. Put a sticky note on the mirror where they will see it first thing in the morning. Put a smiley face, a thought for the day, your favorite quote or word, or a few words telling them how much you love them.
3. Make their favorite food for dinner and then whisper in their ear, “I made this just for you because I love you the most.” You can tell each of your loved ones you love them the most and will build them up. It doesn’t matter that you say the same thing to all of them because it is true. Your love for each one is just a little bit different. Let the love you feel fill them.
4. Spend time together every day just connecting with each other. Shut off the TV and all other devices at meal times. Talk to one another about the day and what is going on in each other’s lives. We love to spend time each week talking about our dreams, past vacations, and the next family vacation we’re planning. You need to have fun and enjoy one another.
5. Once a week spend a few hours playing a board or card game. They give you time to talk in depth about what is going on. We like strategy or brain teaser games. I think the best skill you can learn is how to solve a problem because that is what life is about. Making things better.
6. Make everyone responsible for something that needs to be done– a chore list if you will. To build confidence, you need to be responsible for something. When you do something well that is needed, it just feels good. Let your loved one know that by taking out the trash they are helping make the home a better more enticing aromatic place.
7. Send them a card in the mail. I don’t always mail it I just place it in the mailbox and ask them to get the mail. Make sure you put it in after the mail carrier comes not before. Just some advice I learned.
8. Say goodbye every time you leave the house. Give them a kiss and a hug. Tell them where you’re going and when you expect to be home. When they start driving and going out, they’ll do the same for you.
9. Tell them how beautiful or handsome you think they are and how glad you are to be their parent.
10. Come up with something you know they’ll like and just do it. Trust your instincts and show your love.

Go spread the love today.

Talk to you soon.

I want to take time today and thank a very special person. This letter goes out to over 600 people. I want to say thank you to all of you; however, one of you really stands out above all the rest. You see awhile back I started using Mail Chimp to send out my newsletters. Mail Chimp keeps track of everyone for me and gives me a report. As I was going over the report, one person stood out. I didn’t know he was reading my newsletters because he never mentioned them. He has read every one. This letter is for you because of your support and faith in me. I dedicate this to you.

Have you ever heard the song In The Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics? I was listening to it the other day, and as tears were streaming down my face, I made the decision to write this letter. Thank you to everyone for allowing me this little indulgence. Maybe you will find a meaning in it as well.

First of all, I want to thank you for listening to the worries of a nervous mother who said something was wrong with her baby. I know how much you hate going to the doctor, but you never hesitated when it came to my care. If they had not caught my cancer so soon, I would never have made it to my first birthday. I want to say thank you for being there and supporting me. For paying the bills and never complaining.

I want to say thank you for buying me Dusty. He and I spent so much time together riding all over the countryside with Laddie by our side. I have no idea if you worried when we were gone, but I bet you did. I do when ever my kids are out of my sight. Maybe that is just me, but I don’t think so. Dusty was a faithful horse and he taught me so many of life’s lessons. Laddie is the reason I love long-haired German Shepherds. Thank you for trusting me and having faith that I would return home after every ride. I could fill a book with all the stories of the DLJ adventures.

I want to thank you for moving us to the farm. I know you wonder if it was the right thing to do. I know I might be showing my selfish side when I say this but for me it was the perfect life. I loved the animals. All of them. Now as I look back, I even enjoyed all the hard work. Not always the cold weather it had to be carried out in, but that taught me to do what needs to be done no matter what. Again I could fill a book with all the lessons I learned on the farm, but that is not the purpose now maybe someday soon.

I want to say thank you for giving me away one more time. This time to Laurence. I’m so glad for both our sakes. I want to say thank you for always being there when I needed advice or a shoulder. I want to say thank you for the guidance and freedom. I want to say thank you for loving me with a depth that has no end.

I remember the surprise trip home over The Blues just so I could see you in my time of need. The look on your face when you walked out of the house and saw me was one of wonder, fear, love, and hope all rolled into one.

MASH is still my favorite show because Hawkeye reminds me of you. I don’t watch it as much as I did in college but I still enjoy it. I know you don’t know how or why I think of you when I see him but I do. Maybe it is his quiet toughness and the advice he gives mixed with the fact that you kind of look like him. I should say he looks like you. I knew you before I knew him.
I want to say thank you for forgiving me when I messed things up. I want to say thank you for being the perfect example of what a parent should be. I want to say thank you for being my dad. I am so proud of you. I am so glad I am your daughter. I am so profoundly touched by you every day and I am grateful for you. I just wanted to take a moment and let you know.
I look forward to many more family reunions. I think we should make the next one in Hawaii. I know how much you love it. I want to go scuba diving with you and the sea turtles.

I love you, Dad.

Thanks for blessing my life.

Your loving daughter,
Me.

The following story comes from chapter seven of my book Bully Proofing You.

Think about where the fear comes from. It comes from the fear of possible future pain. When you have a fear-based reaction, you enter what is referred to as the freeze, fight, or flight sympathetic nervous system response. You have no control over the physiological reaction; however, you do have control over your response to the cause. Let me explain by telling you a story.

When I was a young girl growing up on our farm in Washington state, my brother and I had to fill the inside wood box. It wasn’t a difficult task, but it was always nice to have two people performing this particular chore. One of us would get the wood from the woodpile outside, while the other stood at the back door, waiting to bring it the rest of the way into the house. This way we didn’t have to take our shoes off to come in, and the task was completed more efficiently. My brother was always a gentleman and let me remain inside because I don’t like the cold. He also enjoyed making me jump.

We entered the back door of our house through the garage. There was a bathroom door as we stepped into the mud room—it was Washington, after all, and we did live on a farm. Sometimes he liked to step into the bathroom after he handed me the wood. I would drop the wood off in the box and return for more. He would step out of the bathroom door and say, “Boo!” He liked my reaction. Once I jumped so high that I landed on my back and hit my head. He stopped after that. He didn’t want to hurt me. He just liked to hear me scream and see my hair stand on end and my eyes get as big a dinner plates. It was all in fun and it kept my nervous system in top shape.

Flash forward about six years to 1986. I was at Fort Dix, New Jersey, in army basic training. I was walking down the hall in our barracks when Drill Sergeant Young stepped into the doorway. You guessed it: I reacted the way I had been trained. My hair shot up, my eyes got big, and I screamed…to which he replied, “This will never do, Private.”

He spent the next six weeks training me to a new reaction pattern. That was fun. No, really, it was. I could hardly wait to get home and fill the wood box with Robbie.

Flash forward another seven years to 1993 and my teaching job. I was still a new teacher, having only been teaching for two years. I had just started my career at Summit High School. I was in my classroom, grading papers. It was quiet and I thought everyone had gone home. I got up from my desk to go to the restroom. I opened my door and a student was standing there. Once again, I reacted. As I looked at the student lying on the floor, I knew my teaching career was over. I went directly to our counselor at the time and told him what I had done. We returned to my classroom to find the student sitting in a desk. I asked him if he was all right and apologized. The counselor asked him if he wanted to press charges.

“No way, man, it will ruin my rep.” There are so many benefits to working with gang members; I just never knew this would be one. Can you imagine the backlash he would have received? “You got beat up by your teacher? A female teacher?” We never spoke of the incident again.

My career went forward, and he was a well-behaved student. When other students got mouthy, he would step up and say, “You need to sit down and leave her alone.” He was my protector for many years. Students talked about how I was his favorite teacher and you better not mess with me or you had to answer to him. He was one of my favorites too.

I have since changed my reaction once again. However, I still recommend making noise as you approach. It might make the meeting better for both of us.

Thanks for reading.

Have a tremendous day,