Category: Thoughts and Suggestions

My husband is a long-haul truck driver. He can cross the country in a few days. When he first started driving, I was amazed at how fast he could get from the West coast to the East coast. I always thought that it would take weeks to travel to the places I wanted to. Now, I know differently. I have changed a belief because of new information.

We are now planning a family trip back east. I want to go see the places I have read about in the history books: Gettysburg, The Lincoln Memorial, The Vietnam Memorial, The Smithsonian, and the leaves in Maine.

That is how our family trip to Hawaii happened. We had an idea we put into action, and within eight months we were scuba diving Hawaii. That is what life is all about — making a plan and taking action.

What are your plans? Are you taking action? Are you following through? I hope so. Life was meant to be lived not watched. Do something you have wanted to do but just didn’t have the energy for. Once you start you will find all the energy you need. You just have to start. Pack every moment with life.

We live in an awe-inspiring country. People say all kinds of things about it. What are your beliefs? What are your beliefs founded on? Have you lived what others are talking about or just heard it? There are things I never want to experience because I have heard about them. Then there are things that I want to embrace and roll around in because I want the firsthand experience. I want to feel, see, hear, touch, and taste it.

Spend some time going through your beliefs and see if you still believe them. They might have changed and you missed it. Get a new perspective.

No one can do watermelon like God can.  People can tell you how sweet it is; but you just have to taste it for yourself. There are imitations but they’re just not the same. If you haven’t had the real thing, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Travel safe and enjoy the experience,

I love cinnamon almonds. We went to the movie yesterday, and I was able to buy some there. The Megaplex only sells them on Friday and Saturday, but we usually go to the movies on Sunday.

Cinnamon almonds are kind of expensive. Just like going to the movies. Mom loves going to the movies, and that is what she wanted to do for her birthday.  We saw How To Train You Dragon 2.  After we saw the movie, Mom asked if it was worth it, and it got me to thinking.

Everything we do is based on a choice and a comparison. I have a thought I run it through my evaluation process, and then I act. At least that is how I like to think I do it; however, reality is I sometimes act without thinking. It happens. I’m just being honest.

Were the cinnamon almonds worth $7 a bag? Yes! I got to share them in a family moment that will live in our hearts for a very long time. We enjoy sitting around as a family and reliving past fun times and dreaming of the next ones we are about to embark on. Cinnamon almonds are now a part of that. It is the thread that can bring it back. The smell, the taste, and the memories come flooding back.

Special moments. Relive them every day and make plans to make new ones. That is what life is all about. It’s not always a money question sometimes; it’s a heart question.

Spend time with your family loving and enjoying the day and the journey. You can find joy in simple things. Go on give it a try right now.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Did you know that a human cannot hurt another human? It’s true. Humans can only hurt objects or things. You can lash out in pain to defend yourself but people don’t hurt other people. Many adults and young people have forgotten the human effect.

We must remember that everyone is human. We are doing the best we can with what we know and understand. We have others we love and dreams we want to live. We protect those we love and fear predators. We have the ability to put labels on everything.

When I call you a name, in my mind you become what I just called you. Advertising and movies do this all the time. The hero is justified in destroying the bad guy because he is bad. He is no longer human. The person advertising the product becomes the product. They become an object.

How do we get back to the human effect? We remember to have empathy. Empathy is putting yourself in that person’s shoes. If you can view a bully as a person in pain, you can deflect the attack. You won’t allow the words to impact you because you know they are not about you or your family. The attack is about the bully expressing pain and despair. It’s a cry for help. Maybe the bully doesn’t know any better and just needs to be educated. When you feel empathy for the bully, you will not be as impacted by what is said. You are less likely to feel bad about yourself or to try and retaliate. Retaliation makes it worse.

If your self-esteem is not strong enough to withstand some words from an angry person, then spend some time building it up. I gave many tips and tools on how to accomplish that in the first part of my book. When you have a healthy self-image, you have an attitude that things will be all right. You realize that whatever the bully said to hurt or intimidate you is not true, and you move on. You’re glad it’s not your life that is hopeless. Your attitude is one of faith and hope for the future. The bully’s is one of despair and fear. Have some compassion for the bully and come from a place of love for your fellow man.

Your ability to care for others can grow like a muscle you exercise. Practice acceptance of others and you will get better at it. Remember when you’ve had a bad day and cut them some slack. When you do have a bad day, pull yourself up by sharing your love with someone else. When you help someone, you help yourself. Sit by someone new at lunch, or help someone without asking for anything in return. The rewards you receive are priceless. When you give freely, your spirit will lift and your heart will be full.

Share your love today.

What do you think of when you hear the word relationships? Husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, your children? What about your postal carrier or your bank teller? Your neighbor? You know the one that lives just over the fence. Have you spoken with them lately? Have you said, “Hi” and waited for the reply?

About ten years ago, I was given this challenge by a literary mentor of mine. I never had the privilege of meeting her, but I loved reading her books and articles. Her name, Erma Bombeck. I was introduced to Erma one day by my mother’s laughter. This was a startling fact I had not witnessed very often. My mom would snicker or giggle once in a while, but here she was full on belly- laughing with tears running down her face and saying her cheeks hurts. I had to get to know the person that could do this to my mother. That was my introduction into the world of If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits? and many more of her books.

After Erma Bombeck was diagnosed with breast cancer, she wrote a poem that shook me to my core and changed my life. Here it is for you copied off the internet.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

by Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love yous”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

© Erma Bombeck

Did you know that you are surrounded by amazing people that need love and support just like you do? Did you know that if you want more love you need to decide to give more love? That which you give comes back to you in more abundance than it was given. You may not know from where or when it is coming but it is. Wait for it.

Show love and support to others today then let me know how you feel. I bet it is one of your best days ever.

And again, and again, and again,

I’m sitting here watching it rain. I love the rain. It reminds me of home. I grew up in Washington State on a dairy farm. We had a spectacular amount of rain. That is why it is so beautiful and green. There was always plenty of water. One year we dammed up the culvert to the little creek that ran through the middle of our fields. That summer my brother and I floated around on tire inner tubes and just soaked up the rays of the sun. Which brings me to my next point; I love the sun and its warmth.

Wait, what was the first point?  I can create anything. I choose the way I feel about something and in the choosing, I create its essence. I create the impact and the antiphon it has on me. I can sit in my office at home and return to the farm in my mind. I can also watch it rain and think of the sunny beaches we visited in Hawaii as a family. In a split second, I can remember the fun times we had playing Cashflow (a board game) on the back porch of our bungalow. I can also imagine the next time we go.

Imagination, now there’s a word that might shake you up a bit. Your imagination is so powerful it can take you places at the speed of thought. You use it all the time but are usually not aware, and that can be a negative. How often have you thought to yourself, if I try a new route home I might get lost? If I try learning to play the piano at my age, others will laugh at me. I would love to travel but I don’t want to ____________. All of those statements are your imagination. You are imagining something bad happening.

I challenge you to use your imagination to empower you and your vision. You have a purpose that you must fulfill. If you keep holding yourself back, it will never happen. Keep a little notebook with you this week and keep track of all the times you use your imagination for an empowering vision or a disempowering one. When you become aware of something, you can change it. Maybe the only reason you don’t have everything you want is your imagination. Harness it and use this powerful tool to make a better future for yourself and your family.

Have a visionary day. I’ve got to go. I have plans to go skiing on the beaches of Fiji today.

Want to come?

A while ago I figured out that I’m a carrot and a stick kind of person. You know the little donkey that doesn’t want to work so you hang a carrot from a pole just out of his reach. The idea is he will walk and try to reach the carrot thereby hauling your load or pulling your cart.

When I was a teacher, I realized that most people operate on the same principle. You give them a reward to work for and 97 percent of the time they do it. I know I do. I also know that 3 percent of the time I have to beat myself with the stick.

Managing youth can be the same way. Have a meeting with them and let them know “the ropes” so to speak. Let them know what you will do and what you will not do. For example, “I grade papers that are handed in on time first. Papers that are handed in late will be graded when I find the time.” “Children with clean rooms get to eat dinner when it is hot. Children with messy rooms get to eat after their room is cleaned.” “I listen to people that use appropriate words. People that swear get ignored.” I am sure you get the idea. You tell them what you will do. The only person in the equation you can control is yourself so let them know you are in control of yourself, and they can be as well.

The most effective way for everyone to learn is from modeling. Most teenagers feel out of control. They are going through rapid physical changes, hormonal changes, thought processes are changing, and many may be going through family changes. You need to model what it is like to be in control, and they will learn. When you stay calm and do what you said you would, they learn they can as well.

If something comes up that was not discussed, stay calm and tell them, “This is new for me. I’m not sure what to do, but don’t you worry. I’ll think about it, and we will discuss this tomorrow. Please try not to worry.” Then set a time to get with them later. This lag time gives you time to figure out what you are going to do and seek input from others you trust. It also gives you time to really calm down and think clearly. I know I have been calm on the outside and freaking out on the inside. I can’t think very well then, and I make mistakes.

The good thing, a bad decision can always be followed by a good one. Mistakes are not the end of the world and not every behavior has to be addressed right now. Remember, “By perseverance the snail reached the ark”  (C. H. Spurgeon). Sometimes I would have to remind myself how much I loved my job and why I was doing it. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of others and sometimes that means using the carrot and other times using the stick.

The stick is used about 3 percent of the time, and the way it is used is with natural or logical consequences.  I learned about natural and logical consequences from Jim Fey and Foster Cline. They have a parenting program called Love and Logic, and I use it all the time. I highly recommend to everyone dealing with people because it works for all ages.

I remember very clearly my three-year old complaining about the cold one day. A natural consequence is to let him be cold. I had asked him before we left if he would like to put his coat on. I explained when he said no that is was very cold outside. He still said no. I knew we would be in a warm car soon and that he would not be freezing to death or getting frost bite so I let him go without his coat. When we got in the car, he complained about being cold. I said, “That is what happens when you don’t have a coat. I am so glad I chose to wear mine. I am nice and warm.” I had discussed with the rest of the family beforehand that no one was to loan him a coat. We had been having some problems with getting him to wear his coat, and it was time for him to learn what he could control and what he couldn’t. The easiest way to control your body temperature is to dress appropriately.

The best part of this story occurred a few weeks later when I forgot my coat. A little voice from the backseat said, “That’s what happens when you forget your coat.” Touché. He had learned the lesson and was now able to teach others.

When logical or natural consequences do the teaching, I am not the bad guy, and I am in control of myself and responding appropriately to things around me. Some people have a hard time with cause and effect. By teaching them what happens when rules are not followed they can learn that the world is not out of control. The universe is just following the rules that have been in place forever. It is the natural order of things and responses can be learned.

Spend some time discussing what behaviors you would like to address first. Then figure out the natural or logical consequences that would follow. Configure responses as to what you will and will not do. Practice using your responses with your friends. Now it is time to implement. Give this new way of dealing with behavior some time to sink in for you and for them. You will be glad you did.

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”  C. H. Spurgeon and the donkey pulled your load where you wanted him to.

Take care,

Home. What do you think when you hear that word? I know we all have our own definition of what home means. Most times a picture comes to mind of where you grew up. To me, that is your house. When I think of home, it is all the emotions that come with the house.

What emotions do you feel when you think of home? I hope you are filled with love, security, belonging, togetherness, a safe place to make mistakes.  A place to learn and grow. I want everyone to feel like they are loved and that they belong because you are. It may not always be in your house where you feel that way, but you can always find a home. Home is where the heart is, not where the body is.

Home is a feeling that you can create for yourself and the ones you love. Did you know that you choose where to gather together? You have the power to create a home right now where ever you are. I have met people living in abject poverty that feel like kings and queens of their tiny castle. I have met families living in a modern day mansion feeling like paupers. It comes from your perspective about where you are.

I had the privilege of training with Blair Singer in Poland, and he said something very profound that I will never forget. He said, “It’s never too late to have a great childhood.” I’d like to add, “It’s never too late to have a great now.” Did you know you can change your life just by talking with others? You can ask people how they remember something and it will be different from the way you do. I guarantee it. This is true even with siblings raised in the same home, by the same parents,  living many of the same experiences. It is also true of whatever it is you are doing right now. If you are sharing an experience with someone, they are having a different one.

You are living with your filters and beliefs and they are doing the same with theirs. Take some time today and ask people what experience they are having. I bet you will find some are having a fabulously successful moment and others are not. The question is, Where do you fall on this graph? I hope it is closer to the mind- blowing fantastic exhilarating side than the I’m all alone and it’s hopeless one.

Once you find out where you are, you can change where you are going with the paradigm shifting power of thought. Amazing isn’t it! I challenge you to create a better home for yourself right now today. It’s never too late to have a great life.

Smile and enjoy the process,