Category: Thoughts and Suggestions

03 Mar 2014

You Are More Powerful Than You Know

You Are Powerful.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life. There is no coincidence. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. You do make a difference. You impact others just by being in their lives. You may not know the effect you have at the moment, but you still have the impact. This next story happened to me in the early 1990s while I worked as a waitress in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I was a single parent to my beautiful daughter, Erin. Money was tight and we were on state assistance. I worked three jobs and attended the University of Utah. I knew that if I didn’t go to school, our lives would be harder, and I had to go while she was young so she wouldn’t remember the sacrifices. I am proud to say she never went to bed hungry. She always had food,  shelter, and plenty of love.

Times were hard, and I didn’t always know what was next. One evening while I was waitressing at Two Guys From Italy across from the Salt Palace where the Utah Jazz basketball team played, I had the privilege of waiting on Mark Eaton when he and his wife came for dinner after a game. People talked to him all evening. At the time, I didn`t know he was a player for the Jazz. I just saw how nice he was to everyone who stopped by his table to speak with him. He never turned anyone away.

At closing time, my manager wanted to go home. I told him I would stay and let the couple finish eating because they hadn’t had any time alone. I didn’t mind; Erin was sleeping at Grandma’s so it didn’t matter what time I picked her up. Jose, the busboy, said he would stay as well. For the next few hours, it was just the four of us. I let Mark and his wife know the kitchen would be closing, but they could stay as long as they liked. I would keep their drinks full and serve them any dessert they wanted.

It was past two o’clock when they finally got up to leave. After Mark paid the bill, he gave Jose and me a one-hundred-dollar bill each. I was shocked. I had never seen that kind of money before, at least not in one bill! I didn’t think I deserved it, but then Mark said, “You gave me a lovely, uninterrupted dinner with my wife. We don’t get that very often and it means a great deal to me. Thank you.”

As I drove home that evening, I thought about all the things I could buy: food, clothes, parts to fix my car. I had received a blessing, and to this day Mark Eaton is one of my heroes, and he doesn’t even know it.

When you touch other people with positive energy, they are empowered to do things they did not believe possible. When I do an experiential training, I cut up a pen to show how we can take what we are handed and make a better “us” with it. You decide how others impact you. You decide who has power over you, and with that decision, you empower others.

Meet you somewhere soon,

27 Feb 2014

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head. Part 2

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

Part 2

 Let’s go back and cover that again. I’m not so sure I got it all the first time. Fort Dix, New Jersey, the summer of 1987. My company is standing behind an earthen embankment on the live grenade range. Private Smith (not her real name) is coming down the dirt road approaching the Training Instructor, TI. We all see the two very large eyes drawn on her helmet. She enters the concrete stall. She takes the live grenade from the TI. She crouches down; she pulls the pin.  She stands up; pops the spoon, and DROPS THE GRENADE IN THE STALL AT HER FEET!!! Do you understand what just happened? In about three seconds, Private Smith and the TI will no longer be on this earth.

Everyone froze, the earth stood still, and we all held our breath. Then the TI grabs Smith, throws her over the wall into the stall next to them, and jumps in after. He covers her with his body to protect her. At this time, I don’t think I’ve breathed yet, and the world is still frozen. Then it explodes into a million pieces. Debris hits the windows and the earth shakes. The entire company is like statues. Then it really gets crazy.

Private Smith is thrown out the back of the stall. The TI is shouting and pointing off to the right. She takes off running and we realize what the eyes mean. They mean; look out. Beware! She might kill you! We all want to know what is on our helmets. We want to know if we were measured and found lacking. We turn to our ranger buddies and ask, “WHAT’S ON MY HELMET?”

This is the part I wish my mature self could go back to. The part I look back on and say to my young inexperienced self. “What are you doing? It doesn’t matter. You are a go at this station. You were successful. Stop worrying what someone else thought of you and look at what you accomplished.”

I was the platoon leader. I was in charge. I should have said something. I should have said, “It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what you believe about yourself. It’s about what you have accomplished. It’s about the fact that you are on this side of the embankment. It’s about the fact that you were successful.”

I can forgive my young self. I didn’t know then what I know now. I didn’t know then that I decide how I feel about myself, that I build and choose my self-esteem. I place determine my personal value.

That is no longer an excuse. I know better. I can no longer remain silent and allow others to give false information to my children or yours. I can no longer stand by while adults feel bad because someone said something to them years ago that left a scar.

You bully proof yourself with your belief in who you are. You decide what you believe about yourself and others just validate you. No one can bully you without your permission.

You will never control what others say to you or about you, but you can control how it impacts you. Charles Swindoll says, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Mean words only leave a mark if you let them. When you know you are valuable, you’re rubber and they’re glue for real. What they say does bounce off you because you have a different belief. Their opinion does not matter because you know differently.

It is my mission to step into my power as a leader, trainer, parent, and human and let you know that it doesn’t matter what someone has written on your helmet. It matters what you believe about yourself. It matters what you tell yourself.

What is your internal dialog? Keep track of it for a week. Put a piece of paper in your pocket and for the next seven days write down the things you say to yourself. Then listen to what others say to you. I bet you say worse things than they do. STOP IT. Harness the power of your mind and make it work for you instead of against you. You control your mind. No one else can, so you better.

Remind yourself of all the things you have accomplished in your life. Remind yourself that you are a magnificent being created for an important purpose.  Now take action to live that purpose. Step into your power and live your life.

I never saw Private Smith again, but I hope she realized that she can always fix a mistake. With perseverance and the ability to measure, monitor, and adjust she can create any future she wants. I like to think she is an expert on the grenade range, maybe even a high ranking officer. Whatever she chose, I know you can leave the victim story behind and step into your power and create the life you want.

Make the decision that you are who you are not what someone says you are.

Until next time,

26 Feb 2014

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

It’s not about what’s on your helmet. It’s about what’s in your head.

 I remember basic training at Fort Dix, New Jersey well.  However, one day really stands out. That day was when we threw live grenades.

I was first platoon leader because I was the tallest person in the company. That was how they assigned positions when I was there– the tallest down to the shortest so when marching we looked uniform. So because I was at the front, I got to go through the grenade range first.

When we arrived at the open range; the Training Instructors (TI’s) met and told us the layout and what would be happening. From our formation the practice range was off to our left and the live range was a short distance beyond on the right. They put us at ease and demonstrated the proper way to aim, throw, and recover.

The practice range was open with not much around it. It did have a wooden wall about 4’ tall. The live range was harder to see because it had a very large earth embankment surrounding most of it. We would move from the practice range to the live range one at a time. When we were done at the live range, we could gather behind the embankment and watch the others. There were some small windows of 10” thick clear material that we could see through.  We were not to go anywhere else but stay with the protection of the earth embankment. Safety first.

I have to admit I was a little nervous being the first. I like watching and learning from others.   That way I don’t make as many mistakes. There was some time between the instruction and demo phase and the action phase. The voice inside my head was going crazy. I was going to die. I was going to make a fool of myself. I was going to kill the TI. I was going to screw up and be doing the low crawl and pushups for the rest of my life. On and on it went until they told us to fall in. Then my mind went blank, and I started to sweat.

Everything in basic training is done on a run or at the march so I am sure I did one or the other; I just don’t remember which one. I’m pretty sure I ran up to the TI because I remember I was breathing really hard. He handed me the first practice grenade and told me to throw. I got to throw three in all. Then he took a large piece of chalk and wrote something on my helmet.  Told me to get going and pointed toward the live range.

I could see the TI for the live range and I ran toward him. I approached the live range from the side. I had a road in front of me, the earth embankment on the right, a thick concrete wall about 4’ tall and 10’ wide on the left, and past the wall an open field with craters in it.  The TI was standing about half way down the road and it looked like he was standing in the wall. As I passed the end of the wall, I realized the wall wasn’t 10’ wide, but that it had stalls in it (like our cow barn with sleeping stalls).  Each stall was about 4’ wide with very thick concrete dividing them. The TI was standing in one of the stalls. I ran into the stall. He looked at my helmet, handed me a grenade, and told me to throw.

I took the live grenade, crouched down, pulled the pin, stood up, aimed, popped the spoon, threw, and hit the dirt in the stall. There was a loud explosion. He tapped my shoulder, told me I was a go and to move behind the embankment.

Each exercise during basic is classified as a go or a no go. If you are a go, that means you have done a good job and can move on. If you are a no go, you must redo the exercise until you get it right or they send you back to start over with another company.

I was relieved that I had performed satisfactorily and now could watch everyone else to see how they’d do. As the company moved through the exercise, the number of us behind the embankment grew larger than the number waiting to go. We were almost done. Everyone was relaxed and having a good time telling each other how they had done. The ones behind the embankment told the ones just finishing how far they had thrown.

All of a sudden we noticed a private coming down the road with two big eyeballs drawn on her helmet. We all had no idea what that meant. It quieted down as we all watched her approach the TI. He grabbed her and pulled her into the stall right next to him. He handed her the grenade but did not move back. She crouched down, pulled the pin, stood up, popped the spoon, and dropped it in the stall. The TI grabbed her, threw her over the wall into the next stall, and then jumped over himself. He covered her with his body. There was a loud explosion and all kinds of debris hit the windows. We couldn’t see a thing for a moment. The cloud of earth and smoke cleared just in time for us to see the TI pick her up and throw her out the back of the stall. He was yelling at her and pointing to a place off to the right that we couldn’t see. She got up and ran.

All of us behind the earthen embankment immediately turned to one another and asked, “What’s on my helmet?” We had forgotten that we had completed the exercise.  We forgot what we had done and began worrying what someone else thought of us. I would like to say that as the leader I stepped forward and pointed that out to everyone, but I didn’t. I was right there with them wondering what was on my helmet.

However, I am here to tell you now that it is not about what’s on your helmet that counts. It’s about what’s in your head. It’s about what you believe about yourself and what you can do. It’s not about what others think of you. It’s about what you have accomplished. It’s about all the wonderful things that make up you.

That is what my book Bully Proofing You is all about. It’s about teaching you and reminding you that it’s not about what’s on your helmet, it’s about your belief in yourself.

Thanks for letting me share with you. Please pass this story on to someone you feel would benefit from it. Until next time, remember all the wonderful things you are.

Take Care,

19 Feb 2014

The Choices You Make

Take a moment and think about what you want for your life. If money were no object, would you move to a nicer place? Would you go to school? Would you hang out with different people? Would you quit your job and go to work someplace nicer? Would you travel? What would you do?
Now here is the tricky part. It’s not about the money—it’s about your mind-set. It’s about your perspective. How many times in the last week have you said, “I can’t do that because _______.” Or “I have to do ________.” That’s not really true. You choose to do or not to do things based on your beliefs. Consider how your life would change if you changed your belief and took action toward something you wanted.
Let’s use the hypothetical belief of “I had bad things happen to me when I was younger, and so this is how I am now.” You can come up with one of your own. I’m going to challenge this belief and the resulting person you have become because of it, so you might want to start with one that’s easier for you to confront.
The reason I’m choosing the belief “bad things happened to me” is to use the example of Elizabeth Smart, whose story made national headlines. When she was fourteen, she was kidnapped from her bedroom and forced to be the second wife of a man she didn’t even know. She was later saved and is now living her life on her terms. She is not a victim anymore. She is strong and living her life to the fullest. She made the decision to leave the past in the past and create a wonderful future for herself. I recommend reading her book if you have some past abuse you need to overcome.
T. Harv Eker , an author and motivational speaker says, “You can have reasons or results, but you can’t have both.” It’s true. You can make excuses for where you are, or you can make different decisions and get the results you want. It’s all about perspective and how we believe things are. Do you find yourself saying things that become true? Do you predict your day in shower? Do you blame others for where you find yourself?
I challenge you to take responsibility for were you are because when you take control of your decisions you can make new ones. I like telling myself that a bad decision can always be followed by a good one. I can measure, monitor, and adjust my decisions based on my results. If I don’t have the results I want, I just change my decisions and action steps.
Bad things happened to good people and good things happen to bad people. The difference is the everyday experiences. The way you choose to deal with what has happened creates your life. I just wanted to make you aware of what is happening between your ears so you can live your life consciously. Use your marvelous mind to create joy and abundance for yourself and your family. You’ll be glad you did.
Keep moving forward,

15 Feb 2014

What do your habits say about you?

Our beliefs lead to our feelings, and our feelings lead to our actions. Our actions lead to our habits, our habits lead to our lifestyles, and our lifestyles lead to our destinies. It all starts with our beliefs. Think about what you believe about yourself, the world, other people, opportunities, money, politicians, your parents, etc. When you question your beliefs, you open the door to new possibilities. You examine where you are and where you are going. If you never question or check in with your feelings and habits, you are on autopilot and you may not be going where you want to go.

When you are run by habits, you no longer control your trajectory. Your habits do. When I first heard the saying that you create your habits and then your habits create you, I didn’t know what it meant. After I pondered it and rolled it around in my consciousness, I understood. If I do something for a while, then I no longer think about it. I just continue doing it. For example, most of us are in the habit of brushing our teeth every day, twice a day. We reap the rewards of no cavities. If we forget to brush once in a while, we might need some fillings, depending on our teeth and whether we had fluoride growing up. However, if you don’t brush your teeth, you will have cavities and crowns, and maybe even need false teeth. Brushing your teeth is a little thing, or so it seems, but this habit affects your health. You don’t get cavities overnight. You don’t have pain the first time you skip brushing your teeth. You can go for some time without even knowing there’s a problem. Then one day you wake up with a toothache. When you look back at your habits, you realize that you created the toothache.

It’s the same with your life. You have created where you are right now by following your habits. The question is whether your habits have gotten you what you wanted, or whether you are living with the habits that were handed down to you from your family and friends.

The following concept comes from Bob Proctor, but is in my own words and understanding.

The conscious mind is everything in our awareness: what we think about, what we observe, where we make decisions, where we do our thinking, etc. It can process about forty bits of information a second. It filters the information coming in and keeps what you believe. It can accept or reject any idea based on your belief system.

The subconscious mind is the powerhouse inside of you. It runs the body, muscle movement, breathing, digestion, homeostasis, things of that nature. It is also where your habits and emotions are. It has no filters. It accepts new information without judgment. It can process about twenty million bits of information per second. That is five hundred thousand times faster than the conscious mind. It picks up everything. Your conscious mind can’t do that.

Let’s look at an example. You were talking to someone and got a funny feeling. You liked what the person was saying, but something didn’t jive. That was your subconscious mind telling you that the person’s body language and tonality didn’t match the words. Because the subconscious mind can process information so much faster than the conscious mind, it picks up the incongruities. The conscious mind makes the decisions, but the subconscious mind runs your life.

We all have habits that put us on autopilot. Take a moment and think about yours. Do you have good habits and bad ones? What about those habits that are unproductive? What habits should you break? When I took the time to think about this, I realized there were habits that had to go and ones that had to be made. How about you? Choose a new belief and take action.

I was able to tame my fear of heights by learning how to rock climb. (I had a habit of not getting more than two feet off the ground.) I was attending the University of Utah in the fall of 1987. I remember fraternity week like it was yesterday. On my way to class, I walked past the library and did a double take. There was a group of people repelling down the side of the building. It looked scary and exciting all at the same time. Did I mention I tend to be an adrenalin junky? I went over and asked if I could try it. They got me in the harness and explained the voice signals and hand placement. It wasn’t very long repel but I was hooked. I spent four years in the Army and loved the physical and mental challenges. If I hadn’t of taken a chance, I never would have known.

You need to step outside your comfort zone and make some changes from time to time. It may be an entirely new path in your life that you might have missed otherwise.

14 Feb 2014

You Decide What You Believe

I want you to put on your thinking cap for this one. Today we’re going to talk about something you may have never heard before. I remember when I first learned this concept and how difficult it was for me to understand. I’m going to put it out there, and I want you to let it marinate for a while in your subconscious. Ready? Okay, here we go.

You decide what you believe about yourself. You decide your self-esteem. You put the dollar amount on your personal value. You are responsible for how you feel about yourself. You’re also responsible for teaching it to your children if you have any.

I know what you’re thinking because I’ve heard many of the excuses before. You can call them reasons if you want, but to me they’re still excuses. Society has blamed your parents, your peers, your boss, your grandparents, your teachers, the abuse you suffered, the fact that someone yelled at you or hurt you for your low self-esteem. I’m here to tell you that is not true. You are responsible.

You choose to believe what others say about you. You listen to negative or positive things people say. You tell yourself, “Yup, that’s me.” That’s all there is to it. After you make the decision, everyone else just validates you. You accept or reject, on a case by case basis, what people say to you. You listen to the people that affirm your already formed belief. You reject anything that does not come into alignment.

I warned you this might be difficult. It doesn’t matter if you have a great personal value or a low one. You have been programed to believe others formed it for you. How does it feel to know that you have control over your personal value? Did you just sit up a little straighter? Did you take a deep breath and pull your shoulders back? Doesn’t it feel great to know that you are the master of your fate and the captain of your life?

You no longer have to march to another’s drumbeat. You hold the keys to your future. You no longer have to listen to the negative internal dialog you feed yourself every day. You can change the record. You can put on a new one.

I know I’ve heard that one before also. “Jeanie, I don’t need a high personal value. I do just fine the way I am. Others have done so much more than I. Others have been through so much worse than I. They need me to help them and put myself last.” No they don’t. They are having their own issues. They need to see you standing in your power and lifting them up. When you stand strong, you can help others be more powerful. When you shrink back, they feel the need to be less also. It becomes a cycle up or a spiral down. You decide.

I want you to make the decision to take care of yourself and your needs. Put on your oxygen mask first, so to speak. Be the example for others. Take care of your front lawn so others can take care of theirs.

That little voice that just freaked out and said, “I can’t do that. My whole world will fall apart.”  You really need to do it. Especially mothers.

I find so many mothers putting themselves last and in the process they raise entitled pain-in-the-ass kids. I know you just want what’s best for them, but they can become demanding, spoiled adults. If they see you taking care of yourself, they will learn how to take care of themselves.

I told you today’s message would be a tough pill to swallow. I also asked you to think about it and try it out. Talk to other people you feel are successful and you want to be like, but remember they are human too.

I love it when people stop by and catch my house untidy or cloths piled up for wash. I know their house is just like mine from time to time. I use to think all my neighbors never had dirty clothes or problems. That’s just not true. People are people and they have problems also. Some troubles are the same some are different. God gave you yours because you can handle them. You just have to believe in yourself.

Stop hiding from your power and strength. Step into and be a light for the world. We need more lights because there is a lot of dark to put them in.

I’m looking forward to seeing your light shine today. Good job. I believe in you! You need to also.

Take care,

30 Jan 2014

Never underestamate your power.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person’s life. There is no coincidence. God puts us all in each other’s lives to impact one another in some way. You do make a difference. You impact others just by being in their lives. You may not know the effect you have at the moment, but you still have the impact. This next story happened to me in the early 1990s while I worked as a waitress in Salt Lake City, Utah.

 

I was a single parent to my beautiful daughter, Erin. Money was tight and we were on state assistance. I worked three jobs and attended the University of Utah. I knew that if I didn’t go to school, our lives would be harder, and I had to go while she was young so she wouldn’t remember the sacrifices. I am proud to say she never went to bed hungry. She always had food,  shelter, and plenty of love.

 

Times were hard, and I didn’t always know what was next. One evening while I was waitressing at Two Guys From Italy across from the Salt Palace where the Utah Jazz basketball team played, I had the privilege of waiting on Mark Eaton when he and his wife came for dinner after a game. People talked to him all evening. At the time, I didn`t know he was a player for the Jazz. I just saw how nice he was to everyone who stopped by his table to speak with him. He never turned anyone away.

 

At closing time, my manager wanted to go home. I told him I would stay and let the couple finish eating because they hadn’t had any time alone. I didn’t mind; Erin was sleeping at Grandma’s so it didn’t matter what time I picked her up. Jose, the busboy, said he would stay as well. For the next few hours, it was just the four of us. I let Mark and his wife know the kitchen would be closing, but they could stay as long as they liked. I would keep their drinks full and serve them any dessert they wanted.

 

It was past two o’clock when they finally got up to leave. After Mark paid the bill, he gave Jose and me a one-hundred-dollar bill each. I was shocked. I had never seen that kind of money before, at least not in one bill! I didn’t think I deserved it, but then Mark said, “You gave me a lovely, uninterrupted dinner with my wife. We don’t get that very often and it means a great deal to me. Thank you.”

 

As I drove home that evening, I thought about all the things I could buy: food, clothes, parts to fix my car. I had received a blessing, and to this day Mark Eaton is one of my heroes, and he doesn’t even know it.

 

When you touch other people with positive energy, they are empowered to do things they did not believe possible. When I do an experiential training, I cut up a pen to show how we can take what we are handed and make a better “us” with it. You decide how others impact you. You decide who has power over you, and with that decision, you empower others.

Step into your power so others can follow,

29 Jan 2014

You are amazing!

I want you to take a moment and think about what you can do and what you have done. Make a mental list of the things that you have learned to do. Yes, you have done many incredible things. Do you know how to talk? How about walk? Maybe you speak multiple languages. Do you know that it takes over seventy-two muscles to speak, depending on the word, and over two-hundred-twenty to walk? You had to learn how to coordinate all of those muscles. There was a time when you didn’t know how. When I asked you to make a list, did you think to yourself, “I haven’t done anything special?” I bet you forgot about walking and talking didn’t you.

What about your hands? Look at them and all the things they can do. There was a time when you couldn’t control them either. There are people with diseases who have lost the control they once had. Be grateful for what your marvelous body can do. Look at it in wonder and experience it with new eyes of gratitude. It is a miraculous vehicle you have been given to experience this spectacular world. Spend sometime today thinking about how amazing you and your body are.

When you are given a compliment say, “Thank you.” Accept what the other person is saying as truth. Let it land. Let it stick to you. If you have a hard time with this, your personal value may be low. Ask yourself why you have decided to diminish yourself and your value to this world. You are valuable and you were placed here in this time in this place for a purpose. Stop playing small. Stop deflecting and pushing away your value.

I challenge you this week to give a complement and accept a complement with no comment back. Talk to your friends and coworkers to let them know what you are doing. That way they understand and support you in what you are trying to accomplish. You want the complement to land on them and stick. Let them know that when you give them a complement you don’t want one back. You want them to just say thank you. Let them know you will be doing the same. You might feel awkward at first. After a while you will feel a shift. You will have a deeper understanding and appreciation for what you are saying and what they have said to you. You will have a deeper connection with them and yourself.

In many ways, we have lost the humane part of our society. You are able to move through your day without interacting or associating with anyone. You can order just about everything online and have it delivered to your home. You can go for some time without speaking to a person and still get everything you need and want. If you do speak with another person, it tends to stay superficial. You become disconnected from your life and everyone in it.

I’m just asking you to reconnect to yourself and others around you. I’m asking you to remember how amazing you and everyone are. Spend sometime this week reconnecting to your incredibleness and raise your personal value. I bet by the end of the week you will feel better and have accomplished more than you thought possible.

Let me know how it goes for you I’m excited to hear about your experiences.

Go have a beautiful day,